2025 is just around the corner, and at The Better Normal, we think it’s important to leave you with a little reminder. No expectation is worth compromising your mental health. Too often, society, family, or even ourselves, place expectations that we feel we must meet. Believe us, we’ve been there.
Get married before a certain age. Finish your degree before having kids. Buy a house before turning 30… and the list goes on. The problem with expectations—especially those imposed on us—is that they often take us away from our well-being. That’s why today, we encourage you to reflect on the expectations you set for yourself or those imposed by others. Where are they leading you? How do they make you feel? Are you truly free while following them? Let’s explore this together!
The Power Of Expectations
When I was younger, I mistakenly strived for perfection. I wanted to be the best daughter, sister, girlfriend, and student. My goal was always to score 10s, get 100%, or be in first place. Of course, this self-imposed pressure became one of the key topics I later explored in therapy. The good thing is that I eventually realized I wasn’t trying to meet my own expectations—I was trying to meet other people’s expectations.
I remember complaining that my friends got gifts when they scored 10s on their exams, to which my mom replied, “That’s your obligation.” The problem with expectations is that they demand fulfillment. But what happens if we don’t meet them? Disappointment. I’m sorry, but not all of us can be Rory Gilmore. It’s time to realize that many times, expectations go unmet—and we need to learn how to live with that. And don’t get me started on the stereotypes women are expected to live up to. Let’s not perpetuate them this holiday season. From how we look to the comments we hear: “You’re so skinny,” “Where’s your boyfriend?” “When’s the wedding?” “Are you really going to eat all that?”
High expectations lead to high self-demand. The struggle to meet them impacts our self-esteem, which in turn affects our emotional health. While not all expectations are harmful, it’s the high, unrealistic ones we need to watch out for. If the standards are too high, they can be impossible to reach. That’s why, as the year ends, it’s a good time to review our expectations:
- Are they realistic?
- Are they my own, or were they imposed on me?
- Are they rigid or flexible?
- What happens if I don’t meet them?
- What am I trying to achieve by meeting them?
The Difference Between Goals And Expectations
As mentioned earlier, not all expectations are negative. When we have realistic expectations about a goal, it can provide motivation and hope. The difference between goals and expectations comes down to what we truly desire versus what’s idealized. Expectations often push us to focus on the ideal, while goals center on what’s achievable.
Before setting a goal, ask yourself:
- Am I setting this goal because I truly want it, or because I’m trying to meet someone else’s expectations?
- Is it realistic? You know yourself best, and you’re the one who can determine if it’s achievable.
- What am I really seeking with this goal? Acceptance from others, or my own personal well-being?
Why Do We Hold On to Expectations?
For many of us, holding on to expectations becomes a deeply ingrained part of our identity. We are often taught from a young age that success is defined by meeting certain standards set by others. Whether it’s excelling in school, achieving career milestones, or fulfilling familial or societal roles, these expectations can shape how we view ourselves. They act as a compass, guiding us through life, but what happens when that compass points us in the wrong direction?
When I think about it, my desire to meet others’ expectations started early. I felt like I had to be the best daughter, the best student, and the perfect friend. I internalized these roles and believed that achieving them would make me happy. The reality, though, was that living up to these expectations often led to anxiety and dissatisfaction. I would celebrate my successes, but the pressure to keep going and outdo myself was always there. And when I inevitably fell short, I was left with guilt and frustration.
It’s not just family and close friends who create these pressures. Our society, especially in today’s social media-driven world, is full of idealized images of success. We see people living seemingly perfect lives—attending glamorous events, traveling the world, or achieving personal milestones—and we start to compare ourselves to these versions of success. Social media amplifies this, making it easy to fall into the trap of measuring our worth based on what others are doing or what we think we should be doing. The more we hold on to these expectations, the further we drift away from our true selves, perpetuating a cycle of unfulfilled aspirations and internal conflict.
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Why Letting Go Of Expectations Is Essential
Letting go of unrealistic expectations feels like shedding a heavy burden. When you release the weight of what others expect of you, or what you’ve imposed on yourself, it’s as if a weight is lifted off your shoulders. You begin to feel lighter, freer, and more open to exploring life as it comes, without the constant pressure of being “perfect.” But we know it’s not always easy to make that shift.
According to WebMD, unrealistic expectations can trigger emotional distress, including anxiety and depression. The constant strain to meet unattainable goals can exhaust us mentally and physically. When we don’t meet those high standards, we may experience feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or failure, which can affect our self-esteem. These emotions can create a vicious cycle that is hard to break. The good news is, that letting go of these expectations opens the door to a more peaceful, balanced existence. By adjusting our goals and standards to be more realistic, we can free ourselves from the emotional toll of constantly trying to keep up with an idealized version of success.
Moreover, when we release expectations, we allow ourselves to focus on what truly matters—our well-being. Letting go of the pressure to constantly perform means we can enjoy the present moment and prioritize our mental health. It’s about accepting ourselves as we are and finding joy in the journey, rather than constantly striving for a destination that may not even align with our true desires.
We Know It’s Hard–Why Is It Hard?
Changing our mindset and habits is never easy, and letting go of expectations is no exception. The reason it’s so challenging to release the weight of societal pressures is that we’ve internalized these standards for so long. From a young age, many of us are taught that our worth is tied to external validation. These teachings are reinforced by our families, friends, and the media, and we begin to believe that to be loved, accepted, and valued, we must meet these benchmarks.
Letting go of expectations often means confronting our fear of failure or fear of judgment. We worry that if we stop trying to meet the standards set for us, we’ll lose approval or status. The fear of disappointing others, or even ourselves, can keep us stuck in this cycle of striving for perfection. But the reality is that these unattainable ideals often hold us back from exploring our true potential and living authentically.
The hardest part is that we’ve been conditioned to believe that the “right” path looks a certain way—marriage, career, kids, success. To deviate from this expected trajectory feels risky, and we fear that doing so will make us feel less accomplished or fulfilled. However, when we let go of these rigid expectations, we allow ourselves to explore what truly brings us joy and peace. It’s important to recognize that letting go is not about giving up on goals but about redefining success on our own terms.
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How to Let Go of Expectations in 2025
Our hope is that 2025 finds you empowered, and unburdened by restrictive expectations. That you find your own path toward well-being, using the tools we’ve shared with you. That’s why I want to leave you with these 10 tips that helped me release the weight of high expectations:
- Accept yourself as you are.
- Be authentic with yourself.
- Don’t expect new results if you keep doing the same thing.
- Let go of perfection because it will never arrive.
- Stop controlling what’s outside your control, focus on what you can control.
- Embrace flexibility in your plans.
- Set realistic goals and check in with yourself regularly.
- Prioritize your mental well-being over external achievements.
- Remember that failure is not the end—it’s a lesson.
- Celebrate the small wins, not just the big ones.
Sending you all love this New Year, you got this! 🙂
