In this ableist world, it often feels like our self-worth is measured by our professional success. From a young age, we are conditioned to chase success, believing that our achievements define who we are. But what are we really seeking when we pursue success? Is it validation, security, or something deeper? And what happens when our results don’t align with societal expectations of success?
This tight-knit relationship—a social construct—between success and self-worth can lead to feelings of inadequacy and discontent. Today, we’ll dive into these concepts, unpack the origins of this belief system, and think about how we can redefine our sense of value beyond traditional success metrics. Join me on this journey to understand that our worth is not solely tied to our achievements.
How Do You Define Success?
When we think of success, images of strength, leadership, beauty, wealth, and even happiness often come to mind. This association creates immense pressure to achieve success at any cost. It’s only human to seek happiness and fulfillment, but we must ask ourselves: are we truly aware of what we might sacrifice in our pursuit of success? As we strive for these lofty ideals, it’s crucial to reflect on the potential toll it takes on our well-being, relationships, and sense of self. Let’s explore what success means to us and the balance we need to strike in order to lead fulfilling lives.
According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word success comes from the Latin noun successus, meaning “an advance, a coming up; a good result, happy outcome.” Happy outcome. So, that’s where the link between success and happiness comes from. But… How real is that happiness?
The traditional work culture often binds us to a definition of efficiency that clashes with our pursuit of well-being. This definition revolves around productivity, suggesting that we’re only successful if we’re constantly producing. As a result, we feel pressured to stay busy—doing, doing, doing. We equate efficiency with long hours and tangible results.
But what happens when we fail? We invest so much in the quest for success that a setback can feel like the end of the world, leading us to believe our happiness hinges on these outcomes. But what if we flipped the script? Instead of assuming that success leads to happiness, what if we considered that happiness could actually pave the way for our success? Let’s discover how prioritizing our well-being can redefine our approach to success.
New homeowner holding a “Sold” sign in front of their new house, beaming with joy
How Do You Measure Success?
We’ve become accustomed to measuring success through our careers, productivity, wealth, achievements, and possessions—like houses, cars, and travel experiences. The problem arises when those fleeting moments of success pass; our happiness often fades away with them. We find ourselves seeking fulfillment in the same familiar places, setting new goals, and chasing after greater productivity. Yet, this pursuit can feel like a never-ending cycle, leaving us exhausted and unfulfilled. It’s time to question this paradigm: Are we truly finding happiness in these metrics, or are we merely chasing a mirage?
Society and the status quo have much to do with our perception of success. In the age of social media, our profiles showcase our successes in life—graduations, trips, careers, birthdays, children, and the list goes on. But does success really come from those achievements? What happens when we believe our worth is tied solely to our success?
Self-demand. Pressure. Fear of failure. Anxiety. The belief that our self-worth is measured by our success leads us to a place of minimal enjoyment and low self-love. However, we must understand that this belief is deeply rooted in previous generations and that we don’t need to blame ourselves. We simply need to consider a paradigm shift for ourselves and our children.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself:
- What does success mean to me personally?
- What values do I prioritize in my life?
- Am I measuring success based on my own goals or external standards?
- How do I feel when I achieve a goal?
- What sacrifices am I making in pursuit of success?
- How do I respond to failure or setbacks?
How About Self-Worth?
According to the American Psychological Association, self-worth is an individual’s evaluation of themselves as valuable, capable human beings deserving respect and consideration. Positive feelings of self-worth tend to be associated with high self-acceptance and self-esteem.
Self-worth is about how we measure our own value. We might do this through our appearance, social circles, achievements, or grades. We determine our own worth, and that’s where the complexity lies—in the areas where we choose to place value.
However, to broaden the discussion, let’s list the things that should not define our self-worth, according to author Stephanie Jade Wong:
- Your to-do list
- Your job
- Your social media following
- Your age
- Other people
- How far you can run
- Your grades
- The number of friends you have
- Your relationship status
- The money (or lack thereof) in the bank
- Your likes
- Anything or anyone but yourself
How would you describe your self-worth right now? The University of North Carolina invites us to think about:
- What words would you use to describe yourself?
- What value did you place on yourself or aspects of yourself?
- Were your descriptions generally positive, balanced, or negative?
- Where did your messages around your worth come from?
Also, here are some tips from Thais Gibson (@thepersonaldevelopmentschool), we hope this helps:
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Why Self-Worth is Important?
Our relationship with ourselves is essential. How we talk to ourselves, how we see ourselves, and the perception we have of ourselves shapes our self-worth. Do we accept ourselves? What happens when we fail? What perception do we have of ourselves? Do we embrace ourselves often?
If you’re wondering how you can increase your self-worth, here are five affirmations that will help you:
- I am valuable.
- I deserve to pursue my passions and dreams.
- I celebrate my achievements, big and small.
- I am resilient and capable of overcoming challenges.
- I choose to surround myself with positivity and support.
Why Your Self-Worth Isn’t Measured by Success
Equating productivity with self-worth can lead to numerous challenges that affect our overall well-being. Constant stress, overwhelm, anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and even burnout are all too common in our relentless pursuit of success. When we compare ourselves to others, place excessive pressure on our shoulders, and set unreasonably high standards, we engage in a cycle of self-sabotage that undermines our happiness and fulfillment.
Ultimately, the things that genuinely bring us happiness aren’t the fleeting moments of success—like impressive sales results, accolades, significant purchases, or career recognition. While these achievements may provide a temporary high, that happiness is often short-lived. Once it fades, we can be left grappling with a profound emptiness that makes us question our worth.
In contrast, the real sources of joy and satisfaction in our lives stem from meaningful relationships, personal growth, and moments of genuine connection and joy. These are the aspects that genuinely shape our happiness and well-being. By recognizing and embracing these deeper values, we can shift our focus away from the superficial markers of success and instead prioritize what truly matters. That’s why it’s essential to cultivate mindfulness and live in the present moment, allowing ourselves to fully appreciate the richness of our lives beyond achievements.
