At The Better Normal, we’re all about diving into those sometimes uncomfortable conversations. Well, maybe not uncomfortable for everyone, but I know I could have really used this advice not too long ago. Realizing that we are so much more than our relationship status is a crucial step toward embracing self-love and truly understanding our worth. It’s a reminder that we are complete on our own, independent of the roles we play in relationships.
The truth is, recognizing that we are valuable, that we matter, and that we are so much more than just our relationship status is key to finding our “best selves.” Whether we’re in a relationship or not, it’s important to remind ourselves that our worth is defined by who we are, not by the labels we carry or the status we hold.
Who Are We, Anyways?
Last weekend, I had a conversation with my cousin, who is a doctor. She mentioned how often healthcare professionals measure themselves by their titles: “I’m a doctor,” “I’m a surgeon,” “I’m a pediatrician.” This gives them a certain status, positioning, and even value in front of others. But this doesn’t just apply to doctors. It happens across various professions and even in other areas of our lives.
When we review our day, our life, and our achievements—how do we measure them? How do we introduce ourselves? Do we truly value ourselves as people? Who are we, really?
This question has been asked by many thinkers and philosophers. But the purpose of bringing it up today is for us to reflect on how we measure ourselves and the perception we have of ourselves. With the daily grind, we often forget our true essence. How we perceive ourselves, how we treat ourselves, and the words we use with ourselves—everything matters when it comes to self-definition.
Here’s the most important part: if there’s one thing that does not define us, it’s our relationship status. Being with someone does not define who we are. And the person we’re with doesn’t define us either. Especially during the holiday season, I know those questions from well-meaning relatives may keep popping up: “And your boyfriend?” or “When’s the wedding?”. We love our aunts, but these questions are unnecessary. If you’d like, we can tell you about our career accomplishments, a new habit we’ve adopted, or how much fun we had with friends on the last outing.
In summary: we are valuable for many reasons. All we need to do is look inside ourselves and recognize all the things that make us happy. We are strong, resilient, inspiring, kind—we are all of this and so much more.
Don’t Forget Your Real Essence
When we feel like someone else defines us, we forget our true essence. We forget what makes us who we are, what makes us special. That’s why today, we want to reflect on our true essence—those qualities we carry deep inside us that mark our true worth.
Don’t you have moments in life when everything just feels grey? When routine overwhelms us, and we lose sight of what really matters? In those moments, it’s essential to remember what shapes our true essence. These are the things that give color to our lives, that help us see the beauty in the world and share it with others.
To reflect on your true essence, ask yourself:
- What am I good at?
- What activity am I passionate about?
- What do I enjoy doing the most?
- What makes me happy?
- When do I feel like my best self?
- How do I define myself?
- What adds color to my life?
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Single Doesn’t Mean Alone
Carrie Bradshaw already taught us this. Also, being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean you have company, girl. There are many important relationships besides romantic ones. For me, for example, my friends mean the world. We need to view our lives holistically and consider all the different aspects.
Yes, maybe we’re not involved in a romantic relationship right now, so what? That doesn’t define us. I think it’s much more valuable to work on all aspects of our lives rather than focusing on our relationship status. In fact, I think it’s incredibly positive to see our singlehood as an opportunity for introspection and personal exploration.
But I’m not going to turn a blind eye to this—I’ve felt lonely many times as well. It can be very tough feeling like there’s no one beside us to share our life with. However, those moments helped me understand why I really felt lonely. It had more to do with my internal processes of self-love and self-awareness.
So, here’s my advice—take it or leave it. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re alone. We have wonderful people around us, waiting to be seen. And don’t forget about the one person who is always there with you—every night, every morning. The person who talks to you, looks at you, and loves you just as you are. Yes, that person you see in the mirror each morning. The one who knows you best and chooses you every single day.
You’re Worthy
Our soulmate, the one, the prince charming. Social pressures tell us from a young age that we need to find “the one.” The boyfriend, the proposal, marriage, children. I get it, I’ve been there, answering those uncomfortable questions. But repeat after me: other people do not define us. No matter what society tells us.
Working on what makes us valuable is difficult because it’s not something we’re used to. Often, it’s the things we neglect, the things we don’t pay attention to or invest time in. It’s linked to the pressure of chasing success, money, and productivity. However, what makes us valuable has nothing to do with all of that. It goes much deeper.
I think it’s worth reinforcing the idea that not only are we not defined by our relationship status, but we’re also not defined by our partners. We must continue to work on knowing ourselves more deeply. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t share things with our partners—no, that’s beautiful. But it is necessary that each of us has space to explore ourselves individually.
5 Self-Worth Affirmations:
- I am valuable just as I am.
- I am worthy of love, success, and all the good things life has to offer.
- I honor my individuality and appreciate my journey.
- I am strong, resilient, and capable of achieving anything I set my mind to.
- I choose to define myself by my actions, my values, and my growth.
