My ex and I broke up just a few months ago. He is dating someone new. This is already a hard pill to swallow, but the worst part is that I work with his new girlfriend. I’ve been making strides in moving on but now I feel stuck and continually compare myself. What should I do?
Wow. You’re right. Breakups are already hard, throw in the ex moving on first and then finishing it off with working with the ex’s new partner, and that is no easy feat. First things first- call in the reinforcements.
This is a situation that calls for all the support you can cultivate in your life. If you try to simply put on a smile and white knuckle it, you won’t make it for the long haul. If possible, depending on where you are in the moving on process, work with a therapist or a coach. Call in your best friends. Let them in on what is going on and ask them to check on you.
If you have been unhappy at your job outside of this new information and have been looking to move forward- this might be your final push. But if this is your dream job and you love where you are, minus this new thorn in your side, then creating an “emotional resilience game plan” is key.
With your support system, come up with a plan of action that is applicable for your situation based on how often you see this person, if you have to work 1:1 with them, and if you have to work on projects together.
Your wellbeing and self-care is the top priority here. You can best do this by focusing on the things that you can control. Here’s what you can take into your own hands:
- What you tell yourself and that story you create about a given situation. I.e. if you are comparing yourself- talking them up and talking yourself down, then reframe! Try something like: “I am freaking smart, awesome, beautiful, talented, and lovable. I will find someone who is a better fit for me. This new person being with my ex says absolutely nothing about me.”
- What you choose to focus on and how you meet yourself with compassion. When you are at work, focus on your task at hand. Remind yourself that this is a freaking weird and difficult situation. If you’re having a hard time focusing, that’s okay and really normal. Ask yourself, “what is one thing that I can do right now?” Then ask yourself the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing after that.
- Do things outside of work that make you feel excited, alive, and like yourself. After work is done, do your very best to leave it there. Outside of work, you get to control who you surround yourself with. Connect with those friends who see you and make you feel really good. Do the activities that make you feel like yourself.
This is an opportunity that shines light on the need to love yourself really well. I am sending lots and lots of love. You got this!