Hi Kelly,

I started dating a guy and he seems really great but I don’t have a desire to really be with him, which is weird because he seems to be what I thought I wanted. I guess you could say he makes sense on paper. How do I know the difference between fear and my intuition?

-Sierra P


Hi Sierra!

I want to start out by saying that you are not alone and these two things are often confused. They both kind of feel like a gut feeling or a gut reaction and often quite literally, live in our gut.

So I definitely want to commend you for sitting in the tension of the situation. There are a few distinctive differences between them. The more we practice tuning in and observing rather than reacting off the cuff, the more clear the differences will become

A few ways to discern between intuition and fear are asking yourself a few questions to help you connect with yourself. Fear is going to be highly emotional and heavy. It tends to stir up that inner critic.The main job of fear is to keep you safe. Do you feel heavy and emotional? Does this feeling lack compassion? Does it take you out of the present and into the future or the past? These are all indications of fear. 

Intuition is our body’s wisdom that goes much deeper than our intellect and reasoning.  It is present and  kinder and more compassionate than fear. A few ways to check in and connect to intuition are asking yourself:

When you think of spending time with this person, do you feel delight or dread?

Does it feel joyful or fun?

Does saying yes to spending time with this person feel expansive or do you feel yourself contracting?

When I am around this person, do I feel more energized or less?

Do I feel safe, seen, understood, respected?

Answering these questions will give you the clarity you’re  looking for. You can not force yourself to be somewhere that you are not. You deserve to feel delight, joyful, expansive, energized, and safe with this person. If these things are not there- for whatever reason, it is best to keep going. And if you do feel those things and are afraid of receiving, that is something to get curious about. You can trust yourself.I wish you the best on your journey Sierra!


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