Hey Jamie Rose!

I am really interested in trying different kinks but I am worried about what my partner is going to think. How can I talk to my partner about the things I am into without her thinking I am weird?

-Ryan L.


Hey Ryan!

I know EXACTLY how that feels. When I got into my current relationship, I was worried the things I was into were going to be too much for my partner. I didn’t want to stop desiring what I wanted but I was also nervous to introduce them to him.

There are a couple of different avenues that you can try:

  • Check out some online quizzes or checklists!
    • The Kinklist (Trigger warning for non-consent on this checklist)
    • The BDSM Test
    • Quivre
      • Both of you take the test and after you both get to see only the things you matched on!
  • Apps on your phone!
    • Happy Couple
      • I would say this is more for long term relationships, but this is a neat app where you get to answer 5 questions a day with various topics like communication, sex, responsibilities, recreation, and emotional. With some of the sex questions, sometimes kink ones are thrown in there.
    • XConfessions
      • This app is similar to Quivre. You swipe right on things you are interested in, left on things you are not interested in. Your partner does the same, if you both swipe right on something it matches!
  • Have a conversation in person.
    • Sit down with your partner outside of a sexual situation and tell them you want to explore new things in bed! Ask them if there are any things they are into. You can use that as a way to introduce the things you are into as well. For me, I felt comfortable telling my partner that I was nervous about their response. That allowed them to support me a little better when we had a conversation about the things we are into.

I hope this helps a little bit! I also want to give a little reminder that it’s OKAY if your partner is not into the same things you are into. You can always explore your body on your own or you can negotiate and make compromises for things you want to try.

With Pleasure,


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