The month of February is always associated with love because of a little holiday called Valentine’s Day. A great way to make room for more love in your life (whether it’s self, romantic, friend, or family love) is to know yourself better. This is where astrology can be an amazing tool! In this article, I’m going to discuss what your Black Moon Lilith sign represents for your desires and needs. 


What is our Lilith Sign?

If you use a free birth chart calculator or astrology apps, they don’t always include your Lilith sign. You can calculate it on Cafe Astrology here, though. And while it’s often depicted as solely your more sexual side or sexual nature, it represents more than just that. 

According to myth, Lilith was Adam’s first wife before Eve. Rumor has it she didn’t want to be beneath Adam because he demanded so much of her, so she left and went on her own independent way. Oftentimes, especially in myth and lore, there’s an idea of two different kinds of women, one that’s wild and rebellious and free, and the other that’s docile and timid and obedient. I think that idea can be slightly dangerous because it says there are only two paths and two ways of being for women. But often in the same myths the male figures get to be more nuanced. They can be brave, loyal, loving, fearless, kind, and also sometimes selfish or prone to making mistakes.

When I read about Lilith, she is often described  in relation to Adam and her rebellion, which is only one part of her story. Like most people, Lilith probably has more parts of her personality than just wanting independence! Lilith has come to be known as the wild side of femininity and raw sexuality but, our sexuality isn’t separate from the rest of us. I love diving into my birth chart (and being nosy and diving into other people’s) because it’s a holistic look at everything that makes us, us.

One of the most interesting things to take away from the stories of Lilith is that she honored what she needed, which was to be independent. Of course, if it feels empowering to you to read her story as that of a wild woman, then by all means I’m not telling you how to feel or interpret it (astrology is open to many interpretations, which I appreciate). I just know when I read the story of Lilith or think about Eve and that dreaded apple, I’m much more inclined to want to know about all of them, what they loved, what motivated them, etc. Just like someone isn’t only their sun sign, Lilith doesn’t only represent one dimension of what we can be, want, or desire. 


Ok, How Can Lilith Help Me Know What I Want?

I think that our Lilith sign can point to what we want deep down, what we desire, and what makes us feel good. This of course can relate to our sexuality, but it doesn’t have to! With Valentine’s Day around the corner, opening up this idea of everything being related and multifaceted can be a great way to combat any expectations you may feel around the holiday. I think the idea that Valentine’s Day is just for people in a romantic relationship is kind of a silly notion. If you have someone you love that loves you….celebrate it! I’ve always used Valentine’s Day as an excuse to embrace the cheesiness and cutesy hearts, and make cards for my mom, or friends, or nieces and nephews.  Allow yourself the freedom of stepping outside of either-or thinking and maybe, use your Lilith sign to point you in the direction of what feels good and authentic for you. 


How Can Lilith Help Me Make More Room For Love?

Once you’ve calculated your Lilith sign, you can read more on it and see if it seems correct for you. Astrology can be a tool for self-reflection and I think any time we’re working to know ourselves better, we’re making room for others to know us better. Sometimes we can crave a relationship because we hope we’ll feel seen and understood and loved (nothing wrong with any of those things!) but we can forget that these are also things we can give ourselves. And, the more we practice doing this, the easier it will be for someone else to know how to love us. How could anyone else give us what we truly want and desire if we don’t even know what it is!

One of the lessons in Lilith is that she was unashamed of what she wanted and that may be where some of her “wild” connotations come from. The idea of knowing what we want/need and knowing how to give it to ourselves can seem wild when in reality, it should be a totally normal thing. Belgian psychotherapist, Esther Perel, has some great insight about the problems with looking for one person (a partner) to meet all of our needs:

Is it any wonder that, tied up in relying on a partner for compassion, reassurance, sexual excitement, financial partnership, etc. that we end up looking to them for identity or, even worse, for self-worth?”

You can use your Lilith sign to dig deeper into what you want for your own life and how you can bring more of it into a reality with or without a partner. 


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